


Sinner

by justjunhoes



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Sad, i don't know if this is angst, i hope everyone is sad, junbob is in crisis, we are mourning here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-07
Updated: 2018-11-07
Packaged: 2019-08-20 05:24:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16549748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justjunhoes/pseuds/justjunhoes
Summary: Contrary to people’s belief, there are 8 deadly sins and Koo Junhoe is one of them. Bobby is a sinner. Jealousy and Junhoe are the sins that he commits.





	Sinner

_**Jealousy.** _

It is a strong word. That is what Bobby keeps telling Donghyuk. He is not jealous. He keeps repeating that. But Donghyuk is not a child. He knows and he could see it. Being the person who holds the group’s brain cells, he knows that Bobby has always felt jealous.

Jealous of what? Jealous of who?

Kim Jinhwan.

It is not a surprise that Jinhwan and Junhoe are close. Junhoe often chooses Jinhwan as the member that has the most chemistry with him. Bobby notices that. The two of them are a great duo. They even had vlive with their names; KJH. It is cute, he thinks to himself.

But Bobby can’t deny. He wishes to be close with Junhoe like that. Somehow, he is slowly achieving his 2018 goal and that is to grow closer to Junhoe. He works hard to achieve that.

They were closed at first but with the constant teasing, they became awkward. The boys keep saying one of them has confessed, one of them likes the other person so much.

But they didn’t lie. Bobby does like Junhoe, perhaps way too much. Confessed? Does drunk confession count? Donghyuk said yes because regardless, it is indeed Bobby’s true feelings. But Donghyuk never tells Junhoe about it.

 

Junhoe thinks Bobby was just messing around since the man was drunk.

“I can’t take someone so seriously when he is drunk.”

Donghyuk really wanted to yell the truth but he promised Bobby not to say a word. He leans against the chair as he watches Junhoe licking his fingers, busy eating fried chicken. So he has to play along.

“Hmmm. Well I guess you are right.” Donghyuk replies half-heartedly.

“Of course. Now, eat with me.”

“But what do you think of Bobby hyung?” Donghyuk is obviously not giving up yet.

“Bobby hyung? Why are you suddenly asking me this?”

Junhoe shows signs of annoyance. Donghyuk doesn’t care. He wants to know. He needs to know.

“Well… because… Bobby is your hyung and also teammate?” Donghyuk looks at him, trying to read his face.

“Hmmm… well… he is cute when he scrunches his nose. A nice hyung. I think that’s all I could think of at this moment. Like I can just eat my fried chicken?”

Donghyuk just gestures his hands, telling Junhoe to continue eating. It is frustrating sometimes to talk with Junhoe. He takes a sip of his beer, waiting for Junhoe to finish eating before the head back home.

He wants to know what Junhoe thinks of Bobby.

_Yunhyeong._

“Uhh ya. Junhoe talks about Bobby sometimes. What’s up?”

“Nothing.”

“Donghyuk…”

“It’s just… Bobby hyung. Lately… he just feels sad. He couldn’t hide it anymore. It may sound silly to you or others but…”

“But?”

Donghyuk feels his phone vibrates. It’s Bobby.

“Yah. Where is my food?”

“I’m coming. Wait.” Donghyuk ends the call. “Let’s meet again tonight.”

“Sure.” Yunhyeong smiles. Curious. Yes he is curious. But he notices that too.

 

_**Jealousy** _

Yunhyeong understands. He experiences that. He glances at the photo of him with Hanbin. He knows how Bobby feels now.

Drinks.

Junhoe notices Bobby is alone at the kitchen, talking in a serious tone. Then his eyes caught bottles of soju on the table. Bobby is drunk. He carefully makes his way towards Bobby, taking a seat opposite the latter.

“Hyung. We have schedule tomorrow. Stop drinking.”

“Huh….schedule? Fuck that schedule.” Bobby pours another one.

It is pretty inviting for someone like Junhoe who loves to drink but they really have schedule tomorrow. Well, not broadcast. Just recording and dance practice. The last thing they want to do is making Hanbin annoyed. He fights with his inner demon as he cleans up the table, throwing away the empty bottles.

“Junhoe.”

Bobby’s serious tone sounds kinda scary at times and somehow, right now. He glances at Bobby, waiting for the man to continue speaking.

“Junhoe ah. I dedicate my songs for you.”

“Your songs?”

“My songs. For you. Take that hint, Junhoe ah. I really do love you. Gosh. Why can’t you see that? Am I not good enough?”

“Hyung. You are drunk. Go to bed.”

“No I’m not.” He shakes his head. He roughly pushes the chair away, storming towards the younger man.

“Hyung. Yes you are.” Junhoe gulps. He hopes someone would come to the kitchen and help him. Bobby has him trapped against the counter top.

“I’m not. I’m not drunk. I mean it. I keep trying you know. But you never looked at me.” Bobby gazes at him.

Junhoe’s heart beats loud, fast. The close proximity between them is making him nervous. He tries to avoid eye contact. Bobby manages to still smell good despite the alcohol and it intoxicates him. Irony. He loves when someone smells good. He looks at Bobby who could hardly open his eyes anymore.

_Sincerity_

He tries to find the sincerity in Bobby’s words but how? Sincerity from a drunk man’s words?

“Hyung. Bed. Now.” Junhoe orders him.

Bobby sighs. He nods repeatedly. “Bed. Bed. Bed. At least I can cry to my Pooh.”

Junhoe wipes the table and washes the glass that Bobby used. He mumbles alone. Yunhyeong hyung would be proud seeing him like this. As he paints his own scenario, he hears a loud thump.

“What is going on?” Junhoe almost yells only to see Bobby falling to the floor. “Hyung!”

Bobby passes out to the floor. Junhoe looks at the man, trying to process those words Bobby uttered earlier, trying to find the truth. Did Bobby really mean it? This isn’t the first time Bobby ever said that to him.

“I love you.”

Three dangerous words if anyone asks Junhoe. He hates it because he is afraid if the person saying those words don’t mean it, only say it recklessly. He wants the phrase to be special.

He gathers his strength to piggyback Bobby to the latter’s room.

“Good night, hyung.” He puts the blanket on Bobby, placing the Pooh right on the tummy. “I… never mind. Let’s talk when you are sober.”

Junhoe finds it comical even though he said that. Talk? Well, he talks with Bobby but with constant uhm, yeah, ohh, long pause and short sentences. Only a few times they have serious talk but mainly about work. He looks at Bobby one last time before leaving the room.

“Good night.”

 

***

 

**_Jealousy. Envy._ **

They went straight to Japan for their Budokan concerts after their Singapore concert. They have the rest of the day to relax and enjoy Tokyo. Donghyuk is stuck between two crises. Yunhyeong and Hanbin then Junhoe and Bobby. Damn he should get paid for being their personal love story therapist.

Yunhyeong has figured out what Bobby is thinking. He was right all along. He understands Bobby, truly understands. Like Donghyuk said, it may sound silly for others but not for Bobby, just like how Yunhyeong feels.

Yunhyeong’s Jeju trip story.

Bobby’s desire to have a drink with Junhoe.

Sound silly, isn’t it? Anyone would have laughed but not Yunhyeong as he understands Bobby. Further, it is not just about drinking with Junhoe. It goes beyond.

Bobby’s unconditional love for Junhoe. Bobby’s friendship with Jinhwan. Guilty.

Guilty because Bobby doesn’t want his friendship to be at stake. Guilty because he falls in love with Junhoe who seems to pay more attention to Jinhwan. Obviously Junhoe loves Jinhwan. That is why Junhoe never looks at him; the things Bobby keeps repeating. The sorrowful look on Bobby's face, the eyes that hold back the tears, everything is too much for Bobby.

“Stop it, Bobby.”

“It’s true.” He looks at Yunhyeong.

“You are assuming too much.” Donghyuk butts in. “He just… doesn’t know how to show it. I mean, I’m sure he loves you too hyung.”

“Like how he loves Jinhwan hyung? I don’t think so.” He pauses. “And what… he can show how he feels towards Jinhwan hyung though?”

“Hyung.” Donghyuk grabs the glass of beer from Bobby’s hand. “You are not drinking this yet.”

“I am not a child, Donghyuk.” He playfully smacks Donghyuk.

“Well, you are acting like one.” Yunhyeong responds.

“Let’s talk about Hanbin.”

“No!” Yunhyeong rolls his eyes. “This is about you now.”

Bobby sighs. He knows they are going to talk about Junhoe. He loves them both but he feels weak knowing how both of them are trying to help him. Not that it is nothing wrong being weak sometimes but he wishes nobody would interfere or be the middle person.

He wants those words to remain unspoken though he may have confessed to Junhoe a few times. On broadcast and off camera, while being drunk and sober. He blames himself. One sided love hurts a lot.

Why did he has to fall in love with someone named Koo Junhoe? Why did they become awkward that the time and effort he uses to become close with Junhoe makes him fall for Junhoe even more.

And this love feels forbidden. He feels like a sin. Koo Junhoe himself is a sin. He commits another sin; envy. Envious of Jinhwan and Junhoe. He knows he should not feel that way but he can’t help it. He is just a human. A sinner.

Seeing how comfortable Junhoe is with Jinhwan, he really can’t help it. Not his fault. He is overpowered by this sin. Envy. The sense of longing towards Junhoe and the need to remove Jinhwan. But he can’t do that. He loves Jinhwan and especially Junhoe, he doesn’t have the heart to hurt them.

Let him hurt. It is okay if he is hurting. As long as his two favourite people are happy.

“Hyung…”

He could feel Donghyuk squeezing his shoulder, snapping him out from his thought. He looks at Donghyuk and Yunhyeong. Worried and concern written on their faces. He is touched to have them in their life.

“We are sorry.”

“What for?” Bobby forces a smile. “You two are the nicest people. Do you know that?”

They keep quiet for a moment, enjoying the beer and nice music at the restaurant. Bobby excuses himself first. He is more tired than usual because he hadn’t has proper rest after he rushed from the opening ceremony to Singapore. He drowns himself in his own song playlist, plugging in his earphone and just strolls towards their hotel.

He decides to have another drink at the hotel bar.

“Jinhwan hyung. Please. I miss spending time with you like this. You are paying so much attention to Chanwoo. Psshh.”

“Junhoe ah… of course. The maknae loves me.”

“Hmmm… not as much as I love you.” Junhoe holds Jinhwan’s hand tightly, bringing it to his lips.

“Prove it.” Jinhwan smiles seductively.

“Here? Right now?” Junhoe’s lips slowly travels along Jinhwan’s arm until he reaches the latter’s face. Only inches away from kissing the elder man, he smirks.

“Why not? There aren’t many people here… and… not everyone knows we are idols…” Jinhwan puts his arm on Junhoe’s shoulder.

“You are right.” Junhoe touches Jinhwan’s back.

“Here’s your vodka, sir.”

“Thank you.”

A familiar voice stops the two of them.

“Uh Bobby…” Jinhwan quickly pushes Junhoe away.

“Hyung. Junhoe.” Bobby gives a thin smile.

Junhoe looks at Bobby. He suddenly remembers his conversation with Yunhyeong. This is not the perfect timing. He clears his throat, hoping to clear away the awkward tension.

“You are alone?” Jinhwan asks the obvious question. He shifts his seat so he could be seated next to Bobby.

“Yes. Ahh… I was with Yunhyeong and Donghyuk though but I came back earlier. To sleep… uhh rest.” He glances at Junhoe.

Jealousy is welcoming him again with open arms. Entered a bar to this sight, how he wishes he was Jinhwan at this moment. Jealousy. He can’t help it.

Junhoe is obviously avoiding any eye contact, especially when Bobby sees him like this and how Yunhyeong’s words keep running on his mind. How can Yunhyeong be so sure?

 

“Bobby loves you… a lot. He means every words, every single time he shouts those words. He loves you.”

“Even when he is drunk?”

“Even when he is drunk.”

“But he never…”

“Say anything? That’s because he doesn’t how to. He only shows through his actions. Remember when… you know…you...that issue...”

“Ya the instagram. Ya he was always by my side during my toughest moment.” Junhoe shrugs. “But isn’t that what friends do? As teammate? As a hyung?”

“Hmmm. But he gives the most time and attention to you. I think Donghyuk asked this before so I’m going to ask again. What do you think of Bobby?”

What does he think of Bobby? Does he love Bobby? In a way, yes he loves Bobby. He thinks he has a crush on Bobby. Perhaps, it is true, whenever the boys tease them.

It is mutual. But the two of them are just cowards.

“Bobby hyung… he is the sweetest, most precious man I’ve ever met. He is so awkward but cute. Sexy too… especially when he performs. He is a wonderful human being. It is funny seeing him being lazy when it comes to dancing. And his obsession over cute small stuffed toy animals… god. He is cute. When he laughs… you can barely see his already small eyes.” Junhoe chuckles.

“What about your feelings?”

“I do love Bobby hyung…" Junhoe pauses. 'Perhaps more than a friend.'

Yunhyeong didn’t have the guts to continue. Some thoughts are best remained unspoken. He just sits there, listening to anything Junhoe is saying.

 

“Uh… well. I’m going to sleep now. See you two tomorrow.” Bobby puts down his glass, sliding along few notes of Yen on the table. “Good night.”

Bobby’s heart aches. That’s because he meets the deadliest sin again whom he can’t avoid forever. Koo Junhoe. He is far deep in pits of this deadly sin, he doesn’t mind staying there. As long as he feels happy, then he would keep committing the deadliest sin of all.

“Good night.” Jinhwan smiles.

“Good night, hyung.” Junhoe whispers. Dumbass. How is Bobby going to hear that?

Silence.

“Well, I think we should go to sleep also. We can’t get too drunk.” Jinhwan pays for the drinks.

“Ya… you are right.” Junhoe’s mind is wandering. His body is here but his soul follows Bobby, only that his soul is lost and is floating in mid air.

 

Budokan

The concert just ended. Their adlibs and acting are getting better, they claim themselves as getting funnier every concert. So many things happened at the concert, including Bobby and Jinhwan.

Their skits earlier.

Bobby was smiling from ear to ear when Junhoe said he has becoming a nice guy. He obliged when Bobby asked for water bottle. The smile. How he loves seeing that smile. He wishes to see Bobby smile like that more often. He is happy that he makes Bobby smile.

Just like when Bobby managed to make him smile when he was torn apart during one of his toughest moment as an idol.

 

**+82 010 3122 1515**

**10:25pm**  
Search my photos on Naver instead!

 **10:30pm**  
I swear to God if you still read those mean comments…

 **10:42pm**  
[attached photo]

 **10:50pm**  
Are you sleeping baby?  
Shit I mean dude. DUDE are you sleeping?

 **11:30pm**  
Junhoe… open the door :(  
I bought instant noodle and mini burger.

 **11:40pm**  
Do you want coke?

 **12:00am**  
I passed everything to Yunhyeong. Just in case you happen to open the door. Anyway, cheer up. People won’t stop saying as they wish but I want you to only focus on the great things, positive things only. This too shall pass. Everything is going to be fine. I know you are stronger than this.

 **12:30am**  
Don’t show anyone.  
[attached video]  
Good night.

 

The video was Bobby’s funny attempt dancing to Twice’s Cheer Up. That really cheered him up. He laughed, maybe the loudest and for the first time that day. And the next morning, he let Bobby entered his room. The happiest moment for Bobby and for him as well but he was too cool to admit it.

“Ahhh I’m glad you finally opened the door for me.”

Bobby jumped for a hug which startled the younger man.

“Hyung… hyung you are suffocating me.” Junhoe taps his buff arms.  

“Oh sorry.” Bobby just smiles widely as he lets go of his embrace.

“Thank you.”

“Sure. It’s what best friend do.” Bobby ruffled his hair. “Smile. Our ikonics are waiting to see that. I will try my best to lead the ment… with my broken Japanese.”

Junhoe smiles a bit and thanked Bobby again.

 

Another skit.

Just Bobby calling Jinhwan as his girlfriend. Bobby even pushed Jinhwan towards him just so they could act.

_“Jinhwan is your girlfriend, Koo Junhoe.”_

Loud cheers from the fans. He acted as usual. He glanced at Bobby, trying to read the latter’s expression but it was so hard to read. He was clueless.

He remembers their ment during Singapore concert. The disappointed look on Bobby’s voice when Jinhwan mentioned how he and Junhoe are drinking buddies, how they often drink together though this is not a new thing for Bobby.

He knows already and Bobby had said it before. To have a drink with him is Bobby’s wish. That is why he feels like last night was definitely not the perfect timing. He agreed on broadcast but he hasn’t said a thing to Bobby after that.

“Jiwon hyung.”

It is rare for Junhoe to call Bobby by the real name but he calls ‘Jiwon’ when he suddenly feels like it.

“Hmm… Junhoe. Why?” Bobby yawns. “Ah sorry. Why?”

“Well… uhmm…”

“You always have nothing to say yet whenever you call me.” Bobby shuts his eyes.

“Wait. About earlier… I uhh…” Junhoe rubs his nape.

“What is it? Best Friend stage? If you don’t want to pair up with me anymore, you can tell me.” Bobby turns to look at him.

“No! Not that. I love doing that with you.” Junhoe is still arranging his words in his head but the words scattered around, he has trouble collecting those words.

“You… are so confusing.” Bobby moves closer. “You are a trap, Junhoe. A sin. I fucking hate you, Koo Junhoe. Really." He bites his lip. "I fucking hate you. I hate Koo Junhoe. You are so confusing, so suggestive, so manipulative. Fuck. You created a world for me that I am living right now. I don't want to leave. You are the deadliest sin." He takes a deep breath. "I... never mind. You are too cute. I can't ignore you." He gives a light punch on Junhoe's cheek.

"Jiwon hyung..."

Bobby stops walking. He glances at the younger man. 

"Don't talk... if you aren't sure or you don't mean it." Bobby pauses. "But can I hear it though? Can you say... that you love me?"

Junhoe is so close to crying. He stares at the floor, taking his time to make sure he doesn't say some weird things.

"I do love you too, Jiwon hyung. I love you..." Junhoe almost whispers.

Silence.

"Thanks... It feels nice to hear that from you...like right now and not through radio or tv broadcast...or in front of our fans like a fucking fan service." Bobby almost chokes. He puts on his hoodie, trying to hide his face.

"But..."

"Good night, Junhoe."

Bobby wants to hug him but he feels an invisible wall between them. He looks at Junhoe again.

"Jiwon hyung... wait..."

He smiles, waving his hand as he walks away, not turning back anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm.....sad.


End file.
